Past Due

past dueThe phrase “past due” conjures up images of angry collection letters, late term papers, and expired milk. Do we have to use it when our baby doesn’t arrive by the guesstimated due date?

I mean, honestly, does an uber-pregnant woman need anything additional to contend with on top of the inability to breathe, sleep, or properly shave her own legs? Adding a stressful label to her and her unborn child just seems unfair.

How about “belated” delivery? That makes me think of delightful birthday gifts to overcompensate for their late arrival.

Or “unpunctual” pregnancy? Unpunctual sounds much more polished and lovely in compared to an abrupt and harsh “LATE”.

Can I get a, “Congratulations, you’re going to get a surprise delivery!” Surprise parties are always spectacular.

Or how about leaning over to let me in on your little secret, “Pssst…honestly, we are as accurate as meteorologists reporting on the weather when it comes to due dates. Don’t sweat it.”

But no. NO! The common practice is freak people out with possibilities of stress tests, insufficient fluids, placental abruption, induction, and C-sections.

Because more stress is exactly what we need just days before we have to squeeze something the size of a watermelon out of somewhere the size of a...ug, nevermind.